Sunday, February 2, 2014

A Year Ago Today

This time last year I was getting dressed and ready for Todd's funeral. Thought I would share the letter I wrote to him and read at his service (2-2-2013). 

Dear Todd,

I was walking to work one day listening to a song that made me think of you. The lyrics struck me and, as I often do, I called to tell you about it. I thought, at the time, it would be a good song for one of our Seas It videos. Usually, when I play songs for you, you listen patiently but are pretty eager to get back to your sports radio…As eager as you are for me to turn down the music, you always waited for me to get out of the car before changing the station. Anyway, I realize now that the lyrics are more appropriate for today and I wanted to share them with you once again.

Very fitting for two Jersey kids that the lyrics are by Bruce…

“Now there’s tears on the pillow, darling where we slept.
And you took my heart when you left.
Without your sweet kiss
My soul is lost my friend.
Tell me how do I begin again?”

And, I can hear your voice singing the chorus telling me what to do. The chorus goes like this: “Now with these hands. I pray lord. I pray for the strength lord. I pray for the faith lord. We pray for your love lord. Pray for the loss lord. Pray for this world lord. Pray for the strength lord. Come on Rise up…Come on Rise Up. Rise Up”

And, that’s what I will do every day, Todd. I will rise up to be a better person because of you. I will rise up for our two boys. I will rise up for you.

Last week, I had a really great day with the boys. I can already see so much of your personality in each one but in different ways. Just like you, Andrew is curious, nimble, determined, and quick. And, just like you, William is easy going, strong, patient, and kind. And, both boys – just like you - even on your sickest days, even all the times you were in the ICU, greet with me a smile each and every time I come into the room.

They seem to have gotten the best of you but your legacy doesn’t end with them…your legacy is so much more. I take pride and comfort in the fact that you talked so passionately that one day the boys would inherit Seas It. And when we are both gone, perhaps our boys may not inherit material possessions or wealth but they will inherit an organization so completely inspired by you and your approach to life.

The other day, your dad told me a great story about you that I had never heard before. He told me that in all your years of playing baseball  - in little league, at Taft, and at Colby, you only struck out once. That’s pretty remarkable. Even more remarkable though is that in the past 8 and a half years in your fight against cancer  - you never struck out. Not once.

My grandparents are really looking forward to finally meeting you. My Nan was a die hard Yankee fan and I know you will have a great time watching games with her. Just don’t let her know that when we lived in Boston we secretly rooted for the Red Sox. Your Uncle Freddie will also be there waiting for you as will our best buddy dog, Luca.

I have so many great memories with you and I know that our friends and family will help me teach the boys about their incredible father by sharing their memories and the infamous Gov 21 highlight reel each time they see the boys. I will teach the boys about what it means to be a good and loyal friend. I will teach them, as best I can, about baseball and the beauty of the game and about the 4-6-3 double play.

My favorite memory with you was our wedding day and I know it was yours too. Almost 9 years ago, we were married in this church. If I could go back in time and change just one thing about that day, it would be that instead of walking down the aisle to meet you at the altar, I would run towards you.

Toddy, I want to thank you for so many things. But, today I want to thank you for taking your last breath with me on Monday night. Every breath I take now and forever will be deeper and stronger because of you.

I love you with all my heart Toddy.

Forever and always yours,